Sunday, March 6, 2011

The Idols beginings

This morning I was blessed to sit in our Sunday School class as we discussed the need for spiritual renewal in the context of idolatry. The fact remains for me that I have a great number of idol and unfortunately the things that are dearest to me tend to top the list. My wife, children, work, and the praise of men are just a few that I name that I know come from my lack of trusting int he Lord and seeing his goodness to me. I also know that I waver from seeing these as blessings of my heart instead of things that I crave, love, and worship besides God that I am perplexed at times of how to change my heart.
However the greatest idol in my life has been for the last twenty years food. And although my attempts to deal with this have been fleeting at best, I am more and more becoming aware of the 'Why" this idol has such a stronghold on my heart, my life, and ultimately makes me run to it over and over again for something that just doesn't satisfy. This morning the statement was made the our idols make us, "Trust them, love them, and obey them," three things that are very true about all the idols in my life but especially food. First trust. Food tend to tell me that if you come to me, I will make you better. I will quench your need and fill your stomach whether you are actually hungry or not. I will meet that felt needs that burns inside of you whether in delight or in sorrow and I will bring you peace and comfort if even for a moment. Sometimes in the ripple of the day the moment of peace is more pleasurable than lasting joy and comfort because I am so far removed from the Creator that I think, "All I have is the idol." This is why I trust it so and this is why I return.
The second- Love. The Idol of food is something that I truly do love. I love the taste of all my favorite foods and pleasures that God has given us in this world. But do you ever notice how there is no better bite that the first? Even while we eat the pleasure fades from it grandeur and falls away leaving us either temporarily satisfied or longing for more at the end. It tells me, I will love you back, when words of people are not enough and the things that are said about you hurt or leave you limping, I will not let you down. I will even if I am not as good as you desired, I will still fill you. I will always be here. I wonder if I wasn't raised in the American fast food culture if I would struggle with this so deeply? Access to food has always been such an escape for me to run to when I never knew why I was upset, food did not let me down. When family and friends were not there, food was. And I have loved it for being there.
Third- Obey- the fact that food asks me to obey it makes me even more upset cause right now I do not know how I can enjoy food. I know it will taste good when I partake in it, but I do no know how to let it not make me do what it says to do. I can not stop by my own will when I being to eat and my body is no longer trustworthy of telling me when I am full. I do not know what source I can think that is the greatest participant in ones own demise. I am my worst enemy. I obey food when it calls, when it comes to offer, and when it says to do whatever. And I obey. I do whatever it says.
I am still not sure of what to do with all of these thoughts regarding my idols but this much is true. I am more in touch with the depth of my idolatry and sin in my heart than I have ever been before. And this at least keeps me clear that that where I am and where I have to go from here is still one step closer to seeing God change my heart and draw me closer to him, there very thing that my idols try to prevent me from.

Saturday, January 1, 2011

THe first day of the year

Well, like most people new beginnings seem to remind us of what we want, but all to often what we WON't do to get it. I am the perfect example of that. I have stated that I wanted to lose weight over really the last year and a half. During the two summer months while I was off os school, I lost almost 30 pounds and was pumped. But now as the new year starts and the first semester of school ends, I am 4 pounds away from where I was before the summer weight loss. So as I sit up late tonight, actually its rolled in the 2nd now) I think about all kinds fo things that really seem to overwhelm me. I feel like I struggle with two major issues and they both involve managing m life. Money and food. The irony is if I didn't spend money on food I probably wouldn't have either as a problem!!! Not really but I am sure a dinner at 5 guys probably isn't on any weight loss plan out there. In my head I think a lot of weird stuff sometimes like if I have indigestion, I think it may be a heart attack or if I feel some weird pain, I know much of it is due to my weight. My wife God love her, has tried everything for direct to subtle to even having friends talking about it to me. But I still seem to struggle year in with the same two issues. I am discouraged about both and want to trust the Lord in walking forward so that He can be glorified in my life with both circumstances. But I have little faith. Please pray for me as I seek once again to apply goals and principles to my life to lose weight, manage our money, and serve the Lord and others for their sake and not my own. I would love comments but honestly I am not sure I see the light yet.

Monday, October 11, 2010

It never ceases to amaze me...

how little I can do to not only trust the Lord with my life, but then to live a life of obedience to the things that I have been made aware of and convicted by. I was telling Annie about a verse in Philippians that I was taking out of context but that did remind me that my stomach (or eating) was my idol, and she just said, "But you knew that." Why is it that things we have known or seen or heard so frequently fall off of our own radar but when we remember them again, its like the first time we have ever heard that. I have not been exercising or eating great since school started back and I am slowly gaining all the weight back that I lost this summer. It's hard for me to be something I am not, but whats worse its hard to live a way that I really do not desire either. I want the outcome but not the work. I want to product but not the process. And living healthy is not he only thing in my life that I fall into this pattern with. Even as I type this, I am forsaking my time with the Lord which will be much briefer sine I spent more time looking at the Internet this morning. My laziness, lack or discipline and self control is always bringing me and my family to places we have no desire to go. I do not want to remain here, but this is where I am.

Thursday, August 12, 2010

Back to Posting Hopefully

Well I woke up this moring overwhelmed with all the things that are on my plate this week and the funny thin was that I had a text on my phone number I didn't recognize stating " you need God" That simple message from a stranger is so true. I try to flesh out my life's hurdles with time and energy all too often leaving the Lord of all creation on th esideline of my mind adn heart never asking for His help to do everything. Oh I know, He does way more thatn I see or give Him credit for, but it woud make more sense to run to the one who controls all things then to pretend that I actually have some control out here. I will post more about my weightloss when I am more awake and have more time, but for now...please pray for me as school begins with a mass of other things on my plate.

Sunday, March 14, 2010

10 miles

Today I completed (not ran) 10 miles. My first four were in the morning at Annalee's school. She had a 5K and then a 1 mile fun run so that gave me only 6 to go. That afternoon I did a 6 mile lap from our house down by the park and back up Old Shell. It brought back a ton of memories for me cause I did part of the course of the marathon we did 3 years ago. I remembered how tired and hurting I was and was only at 18 miles. I also realized since I was only at mile 3 of this 6, i should shut up and keep going. I did it alone, so I had plenty of time to think. My mind wandered on so many things, from what makes people throw trash out their windows to I wonder if someone hit me how bad it would hurt? I also looked at the beautiful trees 9i don't know what they are) that bloom with such great white flowers and look so amazing and thought about how this. If God is called our tree of life then the roots and branches that come forth from the ground burst open at the top in an outward display of joy and evidence of the growth and strength that comes from below or inside. When I think about the fruit of my life, I want it to be like those trees, where God's love for me is blossomed into an amazing display of his glory and that there is an outward appearance of all that he is and what he wants! I think its sad when Christians choose not to serve the lover and giver of life. I know there are always excuses that sound good in your head and out loud but we do not serve a God of excuses but of sacrifice! I hope I can learn to live more sacrificially in so many ways!

Saturday, March 6, 2010

13.1 Miles

Well in my continued plight to lose weight, my friend Matt and I have started training for a half marathon. I have gained a few pounds and am still having issues with food as an idol. But today we did a leg of 8 miles which shockingly wasn't too hard, but it was tough afterwards. I have also pulled a ligament in my hip which has made me have constant pain especially when I sleep. Anyway, if I were to start giving you excuses about what I have been doing, or how busy I have been I know it would be an attempt to cover up the truth. The truth is I love crappy food and I don't love exercising. Both of these things need to change to some degree. Well that's all for now. I'll try to get back on track with blogging but realize if you haven't heard from me I am struggling! Please feel free to ask me at any time about this because the more accountability and burden barring others are willing to do, the more it stands before me as a daily issue. So thanks!

Monday, January 11, 2010

Long time no blog...must mean I'm getting fatter!

Well not really, but I am not on the track that I had planned. I am down to a loss of 20 pounds and I feel like I have accomplished nothing. I am regrouping and back on the heavy routine this week, but the weather has made it quite difficult to exercise outside and at times leaving and going to the gym is...well I am still lazy at times. (I know your shocked) Anyway, I need to make another big plunge to launch and lose the next 20. I appreciate suggestions and comment will ya, it really does help! My wife running a half marathon may have helped push me too!